


Teresa's Return

by PaperPioneer



Category: Home Fires (UK TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27138223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaperPioneer/pseuds/PaperPioneer
Summary: Teresa returns to Great Paxford nearly a year after leaving. Alison begins to suspect that her feelings for Teresa extend beyond friendly companionship.
Relationships: Teresa Fenchurch/Alison Scotlock
Comments: 3
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

“Alison! Alison!”

Alison stopped walking. The yelling sounded like Teresa, but it couldn’t be. Teresa left Great Paxford nearly a year ago, following her husband to his new duty station. Alison could still remember the stabbing in her heart when Teresa tearfully told her she would be leaving. Teresa had been her closest friend, the only person that knew her greatest secrets, and the person she relied on for comfort. Her marriage to the Wing Commander, Nick Lucas, and subsequent departure of the home they had shared had been difficult enough for Alison. Her relocation to a village several hours away had been devastating, taking Alison weeks to recover. 

Her name was called again, closer to her back. Alison shook her head, silently telling herself to stop being foolish. It was probably Miriam or Erica wanting to discuss an upcoming fundraiser for the Women's Institute. Letting out a small, sad sigh that it wouldn’t be Teresa, Alison turned to face whoever called her. For a second she swears it's Teresa running toward her, but before she can decide if her eyes are playing tricks she’s engulfed in a bone-crushing hug. Only Teresa ever hugged her so tightly. 

The woman sighed and murmured into Alison’s ear, “I’ve missed you so much.” It is Teresa! She’s certain now. Dropping her basket to the ground, she wrapped her arms around her friend and squeezed. Teresa lowered her head onto Alison’s shoulder, causing the material of Alison's blouse to dampen with tears. Alison could feel her own tears slide down her cheeks but made no move to wipe them. 

“Teresa.” She whispered in surprise. She feels the woman smile against her neck, feels the shake of her shoulders as she laughs with joy, feels the exhale of breath against her skin. Then, feels her began to pull away, and Alison tightened her grip, desperate for a few more seconds of contact. Teresa complied, allowing them to remain embraced. 

After the shock subsided, Alison noticed something different about the embrace. Hugs with Teresa had always involved their entire bodies touching. As such, the feel of Teresa's breasts and torso pressed against her own wasn't uncommon. Never before though had she felt Teresa's stomach so pronounced. Curious, she released Teresa, taking a moment to wipe her eyes before glancing down to see the small bulge under Teresa's dress. She placed her hand on Teresa's stomach, feeling the firmness under her palm.

Despite the tears, Teresa smiled widely, “Four months.”

“I’m so happy for you.” Alison replied, her own smile wavering with the lie. She’d lost Teresa to Nick, encouraged the marriage even, and now Teresa was having his baby. The natural progression wasn't surprising, but it still hurt. She had selfishly hoped that Teresa had returned for good, leaving the married life she had so reluctantly entered. Disappointed that Teresa would surely return to her husband, leaving Alison alone and grieving again, she pulled her hand away and leaned down to retrieve her basket. Rearranging the contents as a cover to hide her despair, she forced herself to lightly ask, “Where is the Wing Commander?” 

“He didn’t come with me. It's so good to see you!” Teresa snatched Alison's hand out of the basket and jiggled it out of excitement and overflowing energy. “Where’s Boris?”

Alison frowned as she thought about her dog, “He’s aging. These excursions are rather difficult for him now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Teresa frowned as well, squeezing Alison's hand in sympathy. Alison shrugged, unsure what to say next. Teresa smiled again, a clear attempt to lighten the suddenly solemn mood, “I left my case at the bus stop. I couldn't carry it and run after you.”

“How did you manage to run?” Alison asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“It was more of a fast waddle, really. I'm glad you stopped or I would have never caught you.” Her chuckle made Alison smile. Still holding Alison's hand, Teresa began to walk back to the bus stop. Alison followed in silence. She had so many questions about Teresa's new life, but for the moment she wanted to enjoy Teresa's hand in hers as they walked. She didn't want to think about marriage, the Wing Commander, a baby, or the distance between them. Teresa was here with her, no matter how temporary it may be, and she wasn't going to waste it by brooding. 

Approaching the abandoned suitcase at the bus stop, Teresa dropped Alison's hand and bent to pick it up. Alison put a hand on the brunette's back to stop her, “I'll get it.”

“I can carry it.” Teresa protested. 

“I have no doubt. Here,” Alison pushed her basket into Teresa's hand, “carry this.” Teresa rolled her eyes but accepted the basket without argument. 

After Alison had the suitcase in her hand and they were walking again, Teresa said, “I'm staying at Steph's. She could use some help on the farm.” Alison gave an unsubtle glance to Teresa's protruding stomach but said nothing. Teresa added, “I can feed animals, clean up, make supper, any task that doesn't require lifting or bending over.”

“Make supper?” Alison incredulously asked. She knew all too well that Teresa was incapable of cooking, her attempts resulting in a messy kitchen and burned food. 

“I cook now!” Teresa insisted with a laugh. 

“You'll have to prove that before I'll believe it.” Alison smirked. 

Teresa linked her arm through Alison's, leading her down the road toward the Farrow farm. It seemed to be an unspoken understanding that Alison would walk Teresa there. “Nick has survived it thus far.” 

“Hmmm.” Alison replied, not caring about Nick's welfare. “Why didn't you want to stay with me?”

“Steph mentioned in one of her letters that Pat was still staying with you. She offered the spare room at her place.”

“Steph writes to you?”

“Short letters of course. The farm keeps her busy.” Teresa smiled with pride. Alison recognized it as the same smile Teresa used when she had been teaching. Immediately, she knew that Teresa had taught Steph to write. 

“I had suspected that she wasn’t capable of writing. I’ve never seen her do it.” Alison spoke carefully, not wanting to insult Steph, but trying to get Teresa to confirm her involvement in Steph's literacy. 

“She’s quite capable.” Teresa responded, still smiling.

Clearly, Teresa wasn't going to volunteer any information about Steph's ability to write. They walked in silence for a few steps before Alison decided to be upfront and ask, “Did you teach her? In the bomb shelter that time she told you about passing the inspection, was that because you helped?”

Teresa drew her mouth into a tight line, “I promised her that no one would find out.”

“Then no one shall.” Alison felt a surge of admiration for Teresa and grabbed her hand. Teresa squeezed it once and didn’t let go until they neared Steph’s farm.


	2. Chapter 2

The first three weeks after Teresa's return the two women spent much of their time together. Teresa completed chores on the farm in the mornings, then she and Alison did their shopping together in the afternoon. They always stopped for tea at Alison's before Teresa had to return to the farm. Comfortably seated around Alison's table they discussed Teresa's new village, her new house, how much she missed teaching, and her hope for the baby to be a boy. She made no mention of returning to Nick, so Alison assumed Teresa was planning to remain in Great Paxford. During one conversation she had briefly mentioned that her marriage was not going well but didn't elaborate and Alison didn't pry for additional details. She didn't like the feeling she got in her heart when she considered the possibility that Teresa may leave again, so she refused to ask. 

Early in the fourth week, Teresa didn't take her coat off as she stood in Alison's doorway and said she was needed more on the farm. With tears in her eyes, she flatly told Alison that they could no longer spend their afternoons together. It was obvious that there was more to Teresa's reasoning than farm work, but despite Alison's pleading she refused to discuss the topic further. She coolly said goodbye to Alison and strode off without looking back. Overwhelmed by confusion and angrily blinking away tears, Alison watched her walk away. 

Two days later she saw Teresa delivering eggs to the Brindsley's butcher shop. Their eyes met, Teresa's mouth twitched at the corners as she suppressed her usual smile, then she turned and briskly walked in the opposite direction. Alison felt like she had been slapped. She had done nothing to Teresa to deserve such rude treatment. When Teresa was standing teary-eyed at her door making excuses about farm chores, it hadn't occurred to Alison that she had done something to offend Teresa. She merely thought Teresa was working through something personal, perhaps regarding Nick or the baby, and needed some time to herself. Now though, faced with Teresa's deliberate snub of her, she had to wonder why Teresa was upset with her. 

As Alison finished her shopping, she ruminated on Teresa's behavior, gradually becoming furious. The two of them had been so close, so comfortable, so trusting of one another. It didn't make any sense for Teresa to suddenly treat her with such disdain. If Alison were to admit it to herself, Teresa's abrupt ending of their friendship broke her heart far more than it angered her. However, an admission such as that was more than she was willing to acknowledge, so she focused on the anger and seethed as she walked to her house. 

Arriving home, Alison slammed the door and dropped her purchases on her desk. Pat emerged from the kitchen and asked if something was bothering her. Responding curtly, Alison assured her that everything was fine. She knew that Pat was too perceptive to believe the lie, but she also knew the other woman was too reserved to press the issue. 

After silently watching Alison roughly remove items from her basket, Pat quietly said, “I'm here if you need to talk.” 

Alison pressed her fingers to her forehead and sighed, “I'm sorry. I'm upset with someone else. That's no cause to be rude to you.”

“It's rare to see you so unwound.” Pat gently responded, “Is it Frances? Have you talked to her? She's stubborn but she isn't unreasonable.”

Alison considered Pat's words. It wasn't Frances, but Pat was still offering useful advice. Teresa was reasonable, she wasn't even stubborn like Frances, surely she would be willing to explain herself. Confronting Teresa would resolve the issue, or at the very least it would calm Alison's mind. If she had done something to warrant this new relationship she wanted to know what it was and make an effort to mend it. Without correcting Pat's assumption about Frances, Alison nodded, “You're right.” She thanked Pat, excused herself, and headed to the Farrow Farm. 

Walking along the road she reflected on her friendship with Teresa and some of the anger faded. She believed she knew Teresa well, or well enough to understand her moods. This behavior was uncharacteristic for Teresa, and although she was mad about Teresa's petty behavior, she was certain there was a justification. If it were her fault, Teresa would have told her. Alison ran from problems, hid behind fear and meekness, but Teresa never did. She preferred to face issues full-on, a trait Alison envied. 

Teresa's callous attitude should be unforgivable, but Alison wanted to forgive her. She had been so afraid Teresa would return to Nick, once again leaving Alison lonely, that she hadn't considered losing the woman while they were in the same village. She wanted her friend back. All Teresa had to do was explain, apologize, or just smile in the way she does that went straight to Alison's heart, and Alison would release any lingering anger. It briefly crossed her mind that she shouldn't be so upset over a friend, that her feelings shouldn't be so intense, the sense of loss so profound, but she pushed it aside. Just because she felt strongly about Teresa didn't mean there was anything abnormal about their friendship. 

Alison spotted Teresa entering a barn and hurried after her. As she neared Teresa she harshly asked, “Why have you been avoiding me?” 

Teresa turned around, shock clearly displayed on her face. It took a few seconds for her to recover, replacing the shock with indifference. “I told you.” She attempted to sound confident, but Alison could hear the tremor in her voice. 

“I don't believe it has anything to do with Steph or the farm. Have I done something?” Now that she was face to face with Teresa, Alison suddenly felt insecure. Perhaps she was overreacting. Perhaps Teresa would think she's crazy. Worse yet, Teresa may find her needy and irritating, and that's why she chose to distance herself from Alison. Alison wished she had thought of that before she had stormed into the barn after Teresa. The anger was swiftly replaced by worry and fear. This was a mistake. 

Unaware of Alison's conflicting emotions, but clearly battling her own, Teresa pursed her lips, glanced around the barn, tightened her grip on the bucket she was holding, and said, “Of course not. You've been nothing but a wonderful friend. It's just for the best that we don't spend every afternoon together.”

“We don't have to see each other every day.” Alison hoped Teresa would agree to the compromise and resume her part in Alison's life, even if it wasn't on a daily basis. She resisted the urge to beg, silently berating herself for her willingness to trade her pride for her feelings. Her emotions were swirling around: anger, sadness, fear, affection, they all kept her head spinning as she tried desperately to find one to latch onto. She was no longer sure if she came for an apology, an explanation, an opportunity to mend the friendship, or simply because she missed Teresa. Her head and heart were twisted into knots. She hadn't felt so much since she and George had decided to run away and present themselves as a married couple. Despite the assurances she had given to herself that their friendship was within acceptable boundaries, she knew the line between friendship and more was becoming blurry. The realization frightened her. Once again pushing away any feeling that wasn't anger, the safest emotion to indulge, she said, “That's no reason to have ignored me in the village.” 

“I panicked.” Teresa spoke sincerely. 

“But why?” Alison tried to mask the pain with a tone Frances would use in the Institute meetings, but she feared she failed. Teresa knew Alison better than anyone. She wouldn't be fooled by the lame attempt. 

Narrowing her eyes to confirm that she knew Alison's tone was false, Teresa tilted her head to the side and regarded her former housemate for an uncomfortable length of time. Finally, she slowly blinked, licked her lips, and calmly said, “We spend too much time together.”

“Why is that a problem? We’re friends. Are you sick of me?” 

“No!” Teresa slammed her bucket to the ground, her demeanor unexpectedly shifting into an anger Alison had never before witnessed from the normally patient woman, “We need some space. Just respect my decision.”

“I have nothing but respect for you!” Alison sharply responded, “Why don't you have the same for me? You think I don't deserve an explanation for why you suddenly can't stand to be around me?”

Teresa flinched, “That's not it at all. It's just that you shouldn't be around me so much.” 

“I want to be. I don't understand.” Alison crossed her arms and glared at Teresa. This conversation was straining her patience. 

Teresa let out a loud, frustrated sigh, “People will talk.”

“About what? Why?” Receiving no response, Alison asked, again sharply, her anger now overpowering any other emotion, “Teresa, what will they talk about?” For a brief moment Alison was reminded of the time Teresa had lost Boris during a walk. Alison had used the same tone when she had demanded, “Teresa, where is my dog?” So much had changed between the two of them since that day, including Alison's feelings toward the former school teacher. 

“You know what.” Teresa snapped, her voice low. She quickly looked around the barn as if she were afraid of being overheard.

Uncrossing her arms and stepping closer to Teresa, Alison lowered her voice as well, “You mean... like Connie?”

“Yes!” Teresa punctuated the air with her hand, her face tight with frustration. 

“Who could possibly know about that?” Alison asked in disbelief.

Teresa shifted her eyes to the entrance of the barn, both watching for anyone to enter and avoiding Alison's gaze, “It’s known. You need to distance yourself from me.”

“Did someone say something to you?” Teresa nodded. Alison instantly understood why Teresa was pushing her away. Sympathy replaced her anger, and the affection she had for the woman began to edge its way back into her heart. Teresa wasn't being cruel, she was being protective. Alison fought the desire to hug her friend, instead asking, “Who?”

“Frances.”

“She’s angry with me still. She’s just being mean.” Alison waved her hand in the air, dismissing Frances and their feud. 

“No. She’s right. It’s unbecoming for you and I to be together. If I were a man hugging you the way I do it would be inappropriate.” Teresa tucked her chin down toward her chest and wrapped her arms around herself. Her anger had quickly disappeared as well, leaving her vulnerable and uncomfortable. 

“I like the way you hug me.” Alison placed a hand on Teresa’s forearm, frowning when Teresa immediately shrugged it off. “How does Frances know?”

“Sarah told her.” At Alison’s confused expression, she elaborated, “Nick found some letters from Connie. It was so stupid of me to keep them!” Teresa tilted her head back and swallowed, reigning in her emotion, “I just wasn't ready to let go, you know? Nick didn't take it well. He must have told Sarah. They’re very close.”

“Too close.” Alison mumbled.

“Exactly!” Teresa took a step back and pointed at Alison, “That’s what will be said about us. About you.” 

“I don’t care.” Even though Alison said the words, they still shocked her. By admitting to Teresa that she didn't care what others thought of her she was also admitting her feelings. She knew what the implication of being too close to Teresa would mean. 

“You do. You told me before. You’ve built a life here. You have a reputation to uphold.” Teresa's voice was becoming high-pitched, an indicator that she was upset rather than angry. 

Alison told herself to agree, to back out of the conversation and bury her feelings. She wasn't sure she was brave enough to face the impending gossip and the possibility of being cast out of the village. Truthfully, the potential fallout from her admission terrified her. However, Alison remembered the nights she spent crying after Teresa moved, and she knew that her reputation wasn't as important to her as her heart. Pushing through her fears, she argued, “I barely knew you then.” 

“You were better for it.” 

“So you just decide we’re not friends anymore?”

Teresa exhaled angrily, “You’re not understanding! When Frances tells everyone I will be chased out. I will be hated, persecuted. You can’t be involved.” 

“You don’t know that Frances will tell. Don’t shut me out.” Alison knew she was pleading, knew she should be embarrassed to appear so desperate, and still she couldn’t bring herself to stop. She understood what Teresa was telling her, but life without Teresa was unthinkable. She'd rather live with the fear than live without Teresa again. 

“It’s a horrible life! I don’t want that for you!” Teresa yelled, “Alison, just go. Stay away from me. Please.”

“No!” Alison stepped to Teresa and pulled her into a hug, bending them both forward to reach over the stomach, “I won’t.”

Teresa put her hands on Alison’s shoulders and tried pushing away but Alison grasped her tighter, refusing to let go. Teresa struggled once more before relenting and leaning her body into Alison’s. Relief flooded Alison.


	3. Chapter 3

“We’ve never discussed how it feels for you to keep such a secret.” Alison said. Weary from the range of emotions she just filtered through, she sat on a bale of hay.

Slowly, Teresa lowered herself to sit next to Alison. “It’s hard. There's a constant worry that I’ll be found out. And now I have been. If Frances or Sarah tell anyone else I won't be able to stay here.”

“Is that what happened with Connie?”

Teresa nodded. “Someone saw us together.” She licked her lips and briefly closed her eyes, “Do you know how difficult it was when she died? I had to pretend I lost a friend. I couldn't grieve, not like you and your George. I was alone with it.” Her voice cracked as tears filled her eyes. 

“I should have been there more for you.” Alison laid her hand on top of Teresa’s. She was filled with shame over her initial reaction to finding out about Teresa's relationship with Connie. She had rejected Teresa out of selfish fear. Then, after claiming to accept Teresa and her secret, she encouraged the woman into a marriage that she knew would never fulfill her. She had not been the loyal, caring friend that Teresa deserved. 

“You were wonderful.” Teresa smiled despite her watery eyes. 

Alison shook her head in disagreement. “Connie didn't leave with you?”

“I didn't give her an option. She had a good job, a good life. I didn't want her to sacrifice everything for me.” 

“Maybe she wouldn't have seen it as a sacrifice. Maybe she would have thought you were worth it.” Alison didn't know if that would have been true for Connie, but she knew it was true for herself. Teresa was worth everything to her. 

Teresa let out a humorless chuckle, “This life isn't worth it. The hiding, pretending to be friends, living in fear. Why should we have to live like that? No one should have to go through this. I left so she wouldn't have to suffer.” 

“You left to protect her?” 

Teresa nodded. 

Alison lightly squeezed Teresa's fingers and asked, “Is that why you pushed me away? To protect me.”

“Yes.” Teresa's voice was thick with suppressed emotion. Unshed tears clung to her eyelashes as she blinked. 

Suddenly, how Alison felt about Teresa was very clear; she had developed feelings for her friend. She began to fidget with Teresa's fingers, picking one up and letting it drop back down with a soft thump. She ran her index finger under Teresa's, marveling at how long and slender it was. Turning Teresa's hand over, she ran a finger over the palm, watching as Teresa's fingers curled involuntarily at the sensation. Alison linked their fingers together and dropped them onto Teresa's lap. Looking up from their intertwined fingers, she met Teresa's blue eyes, the confusion radiating from them. 

“Protect me from what?” Alison quietly asked. 

“I said already. Your life could be ruined.”

Alison nodded, “You've made that clear. What I don't understand is what will ruin it. People making assumptions about us because of your life? Are you concerned that the assumptions are correct?”

“What?” Teresa's mouth opened slightly and her eyes narrowed as she tried to decipher the meaning of Alison's question. It was obvious that she hadn't given any thought to the idea of them being more than friends. 

Embarrassed, Alison didn't answer the question. “I can’t make people accept you and I can’t relieve the weight of your secret. But, I can be your friend.”

“It could all turn out badly for you.”

“Then we’ll move to a new village. Together.” Teresa may not share her newly discovered feelings, but Alison still wasn't willing to let her go. She could settle for friendship. Anything to keep Teresa. 

Teresa shifted her body, bumping their knees together. “I can’t do that to you.”

“I'm not giving you a choice.” Alison stood, one hand still clasped in Teresa's, and reached out the other hand, waiting for Teresa to grab it. “Now, come on. Pat's made some baby clothes and I promised you would come round to get them.” 

Teresa slid her hand into Alison's and allowed Alison to pull her to her feet. They walked in silence, no longer holding hands, a new and uncomfortable distance between their bodies. Teresa slowed her pace as they neared Alison's home, and she reluctantly followed Alison inside. She had stopped arguing with Alison, likely to avoid conflict rather than acceptance of Alison's pleas, but she remained abnormally quiet, nearly sullen. 

Pat wasn't at home, and the women agreed they should not look at the baby clothes without her. Teresa sat in Alison's desk chair, her elbow on the desk and her chin propped in her hand. Her face was turned toward the window, reminding Alison of a day over a year ago when she had encouraged Teresa to invite Nick over for supper. She had been insistent that Teresa could lead a happy, secret free life if she pursued Nick. A pang of guilt washed over Alison. How wrong she had been to ignore Teresa's doubt, to encourage Teresa to go against her desires. 

Staring at Teresa, Alison wondered if she was again putting Teresa in a difficult position by pushing her to go against her instincts. If Teresa was that concerned about her secret getting out, and about Alison's happiness and reputation, than perhaps she should set aside her selfish desire to be in Teresa's life and instead honor the woman's wish to distance themselves. Breaking her own heart was a small price to pay for helping Teresa stay safe. 

“Teresa,” Alison softly said as she sat in the chair near the desk, again reminding her of that long-ago conversation about Nick. She waited for Teresa to look at her before asking, “Did you love Connie?”

“Very much.” Teresa answered quietly. 

“I'm sorry I pushed you to marry Nick.” She held Teresa's gaze, “I can't imagine how difficult it must be to hide a part of yourself. It was unfair of me to disregard your fears simply because I can't bear the thought of being apart from you. I meant everything I said earlier. I don't care what Frances or anyone else thinks and I want to be your friend. However, I will honor your request to leave you alone if you so wish.”

Teresa stared at her for several seconds, “It's not what I want at all.” She let her hand fall to the desk with a slap and rolled her eyes toward the ceiling, “I'm absolutely terrified of what is going to happen to me. But, to take you down with me, how could I ever live with myself?”

“You are not taking me down. I'm making a choice.”

“Do you know what you are choosing?” Teresa's voice was rising in pitch, the conversation causing her to become upset. 

“I'm choosing you.”

Teresa gave a thin smile, “You shouldn't.” 

Alison shrugged her shoulders, “I was alone for twenty years after I lost George. You have no idea how much you mean to me.” Reminding herself to not force Teresa, she added, “So much that I'll walk away if you want. Tell me what you want.”

“I don't know the answer.” Teresa pressed her lips together. “I want to be free, happy, safe. I don't want you to be tarnished by my life. But, I don't want to lose you.” She let out a long, exasperated exhale. “This isn't simple for me.”

“You won't lose me.” Alison promised. She could tell that Teresa was still uneasy but she feared that pushing the topic further would start another argument. Instead, she asked Teresa about baby names, pleased with the genuine smile Teresa gave as she listed the names she was considering. Alison noticed that Teresa made no mention of Nick's preferences, but she didn't comment on it. 

As Teresa talked, Alison let her mind drift to her declaration that she was choosing Teresa. She hoped Teresa interpreted that as choosing to be friends and not Alison's desire to be more. It was ironic that while Teresa was so worried about her secret being exposed, she had no idea that Alison had a secret of her own. She could relate to Teresa's fears more than Teresa knew. 

“Oh!” Teresa exclaimed, reclaiming Alison's attention, “I'm meant to go by the grocer's. I need a source of income and Steph said they're looking for help.” 

“Income? Why?”

“I can't live off Steph's generosity forever.”

“Can you work in that condition?” Alison flicked a hand in the direction of Teresa's stomach. 

“I've been working on the farm, haven't I? Walk with me?” Teresa's mood was lighter than earlier. 

Alison nodded in acceptance. She was glad for the invitation, taking it as a sign that Teresa was no longer desiring to keep them distanced. She stood, smoothed the wrinkles from her skirt, then walked around the desk to help Teresa stand. Teresa squeezed her outstretched hand in appreciation but let go as soon as she was on her feet. 

The pace to the grocer's was slower now that Teresa was pregnant, but Alison didn't mind. Teresa was animatedly explaining her standoff with one of Steph's chickens, describing how she was unable to retrieve the eggs without the chicken physically objecting. They were laughing, their shoulders bumping into each other, when Teresa abruptly stopped walking. Alison looked at her and saw the tension in her body, her shoulders pulled back and her face tight with fear. Alison followed Teresa's gaze and saw Frances glaring at them.

“Ignore her.” Alison whispered.

Teresa took a small step away from Alison and looked at her feet.

“I’m not ashamed to be your friend.” Alison said slightly louder. She wrapped her hand around Teresa’s wrist and said again, “Ignore her.”

Teresa looked at her hand. Alison prepared herself for the inevitable feeling of rejection when Teresa jerked her arm away. To her surprise, Teresa didn’t pull away. Instead, she glanced at Alison and slowly loosened her fists. Without hesitation, Alison slid her hand into Teresa’s.

“Do you know what you're doing?” Teresa whispered through clenched teeth.

“Stop asking me that. I said I would stand by you.” Alison whispered back. 

“Not by holding hands.”

“We can’t let Frances intimidate you.”

“I don’t think you understand the implication this is giving.” Despite Teresa's harsh tone, Alison could hear the underlying panic. 

Alison turned to face Teresa, annoyance clear on her face. She thought they had already sorted this discussion earlier in the day. “What would that be?”

“That we’re...” Teresa looked in Frances’ direction, then turned back to Alison and whispered, “That we’re seeing each other.”

Alison knew that. Teresa had made it perfectly clear in their previous discussion. Evidently, she had not successfully made herself clear to Teresa. Teresa was her friend, her companion, and a part of her didn’t care if people did think they were involved. She was proud to be associated with Teresa. However, she couldn't force Teresa to feel safe. 

Alison squeezed Teresa’s hand. “Let’s go.” She pulled on Teresa's hand and began to walk away, out of sight of Frances. Teresa didn’t immediately move, but a tug from Alison prompted her to follow. Alison held her hand for several feet before letting go. Teresa slipped her hands into her jacket pockets and said nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

A loud knocking broke the silence in the house. It was late, nearly bedtime, making it unusual for any visitors. Alison looked up from her book, her questioning gaze landing on Pat. Pat merely shrugged and continued to knit. Alison set her book on the table beside her chair and walked to the door. She threw a look at Boris, asleep in his bed, and silently hoped that it was no one dangerous. Boris was too old and too small to be of any protection. Shaking her head, she opened the door. It surprised her to see Teresa. 

“Can I speak to you?” Teresa asked, her tone full of panic.

Alison gestured for Teresa to enter the house, but upon Teresa’s terse head shake, she stepped out and closed the door behind her. Teresa grasped her hand and pulled her around the side of the house, presumably where Pat wouldn’t be able to see them through a window. 

Stepping close to Alison, Teresa spoke low and fast, “Nick is at Steph's. He's asked me to return with him.”

Alison suddenly felt sick, “But he knows...” She didn't finish the sentence, not to protect Teresa's secret but because she was afraid she would cry. The three months since Teresa's return were the happiest Alison had been since the woman's original departure over a year ago. If Teresa left with Nick Alison wasn't sure she would recover a second time. 

“It’s best for the baby.” Teresa weakly stated as she pulled her coat tight around her body. 

“But not for you. Not for him. You’ll be unhappy together.” Alison could feel her heart pounding with fear.

“That’s not what you were saying before the wedding.” Teresa's voice cracked. 

“I was wrong. Besides, now he knows the truth. He doesn't care?” It was a challenge for Alison to keep her voice low, and a larger challenge for her to remain calm. She had to talk Teresa out of leaving and was barely refraining from begging. 

“He said that as long as it stays in the past we can work through it.” Her voice cracked again. 

“That's not how it works, is it? It doesn't go away.” Alison exhaled, “I didn't understand before. I urged you to ignore it, to pretend you were someone you weren't. I never should have done that. Now Nick is doing the same. But Teresa, you'll never be happy that way.”

“I know that.” Tears rolled down Teresa's cheeks. She licked her lips and shook her head. “I married him anyway. I resigned myself to this fate a long time ago.”

Succumbing to the urge to beg, Alison's voice took on a whiny tone, “Do you have to go with him? Can't you stay?” 

“Alison,” Teresa grabbed her forearms and shook them, as though to shake sense into her friend, “What kind of life can I offer a baby alone?”

“You're not alone. You have Steph and Pat, and the rest of the Women's Institute. You have me.” Her heart breaking, Alison could no longer hold back the tears. She snatched one arm away from Teresa and angrily wiped her cheeks, grateful that the moonlight wasn't bright enough to allow Teresa to see the tracks left behind in her makeup. “Do you want to go?” 

“It's the right decision.” Teresa let go of Alison's other arm and stepped backward, deliberately putting space between the two of them. Her voice had lost the high pitched panic it had at the beginning of the conversation. Suddenly she was flat and impersonal, shutting down her emotions. 

Alison noticed the shift and realized that Teresa did not want to return to her husband but wasn't open to changing her mind. Dejected and angry, she gruffly asked, “Why did you come here? To say goodbye?”

Teresa closed her eyes and twisted her fingers together nervously. She opened her eyes and looked at the house, avoiding facing Alison, “I have to be honest with you. You'll want me to go with Nick after this, but I can’t leave before telling you.” She took a deep breath, “You confuse me. You say things like you'll stay with me, you'll be with me, you don't care what people think of us. You say you understand, but you couldn't possibly. If you did you wouldn't say those things.”

Alison began to respond. She knew what she was implying when she said those things, and now, faced with losing the woman, Alison was ready to admit it to her. “I know –”

Teresa held her hand up, silencing Alison. “Please, let me say this. In the barn a couple of days ago you asked if I was afraid of people thinking we were involved. I hadn't allowed myself to consider it before then. After you asked that question, the truth blindsided me.” She stopped speaking and took several steps across the yard, glanced around the in the darkness, crossed her arms, uncrossed and dropped them to her sides, then crossed them again. 

Sensing the other woman's discomfort, Alison followed her and placed a hand on her bicep, silently encouraging her to continue. 

Teresa pushed her hand away, frowning as her fingers brushed against Alison's. “I love you.”

Alison was stunned. For several seconds she looked at Teresa’s fear-filled eyes, her slightly open mouth, her rounded belly, and was overwhelmed with relief and sadness. After weeks of wondering, trying to decode the mixed messages Teresa had been emitting, she finally knew how Teresa felt about her, and she was losing her again. She knew she should say something but the words wouldn't come. She had feelings for Teresa, but did she love her? 

Wrapping her arms around herself in defense of Alison's silence, Teresa continued, “That's why I should go with Nick. It is best for the baby but it's also best for us. You must be disgusted and couldn't possibly still want to be my friend after knowing this. You certainly won't want to hold my hand in front of Frances anymore. I just hate hiding the truth from you.”

Still floundering for words, Alison muttered, “You can lie to Nick about your feelings but not to me?” 

Teresa sniffed, wiped her tears, and joylessly laughed, “I don't love him.”

Alison pried the crying brunette's arms away from her body and grabbed her hands, “I want you to stay here with me.” 

After a long, tension-filled pause, Teresa spoke, “Are you sure? Do you know what this could do to you?”

“I know what eleven months without you did to me. I can’t go through that again.” She stepped closer to Teresa, their bodies only separated by their dangling arms and intertwined hands. 

“You’ll risk everything.” Teresa looked into her eyes for the first time since she arrived. 

“Are you trying to talk me out of it?” Alison squeezed her hands, “I don’t know what we're doing. I don’t know how we’ll live or what people will say. We’ll work it all out. I do know that you mean so much to me that I can’t let you go. Not again.”

“Really? You’re sure?”

“Do you want to stay?” 

“Yes!” Teresa gasped out and flung her arms around Alison, her laughter floating through the dark. “I never wanted to leave.” She tightened her arms, squeezing as tight as possible around her stomach. 

Alison returned the hug, burying her face in Teresa's shoulder. Feeling brave in her friend's embrace, she turned her face toward Teresa's neck and finally confessed, “I love you too.”


End file.
